New this forum, 6 months since D-Day
First and foremost, I am very sorry we all have to be here, this is the worst combination of emotions I ever felt.
As a betrayed male, I feel the stigma associated with this, and in many cases the stronge, confident male figure was rarely modeled in some women's lives.
I wrote the following to my unfaithful spouse, so she may understand who I am, since she didn't want to see it:
" I accept the reality of my experience, the hurt, pain and sadness I am carrying around. I cannot let your choices control who I am or want to be. I am setting healthy boundaries for myself for a reason, only unhealthy people have difficulty dealing with boundaries.
I am fully capable of taking care of our kids, myself and you as needed. You need to work on how to get better to face your reality without negative emotions or harmful actions. I need to remain strong for the many people that rely on me to be there for them.
I am fully aware of what I want in a relationship, I am very compassionate, open minded and respectful. Also I feel respected by many, I always seek peace as I am a peaceful inside at least I try to be.
I trust my intuition to find safety when I feel betrayed by someone closest to me, I take my time to process my emotions and think about everything before making any decisions. I always do the best I can, and think I could've done better. I feel loved by many, and I love deeply back. I am strong and confident, yet sensitive and caring, I will find healing for myself as I am actively seeking it.
I know what I can give others who deserve it, and some who don't, I am worthy of the same back. I will handle what comes into my life, I will learn and keep moving forward. I am not perfect, but everyday I want to be better than yesterday.
I reflect daily on myself, and the impact of my actions on others, and the impact of other's actions on me. I choose to experience kindness and compassion, not because the other person deserves it, but because I deserve to be the best I can be for those around me and myself.
I am thankful and grateful for all the blessings in my life, and all the challenges, pain and hurt I have to overcome. I know I am only human, but I will be the best I can be for myself, and my kids, and family around me.
I chose to be with you, loved you with all of my being the best I know how. For better or worse, supported you, cared for you, be better for you and us. I know I failed sometimes, but I always try again and apologize for my part. Even though you hurt me immensely, I remained myself, stood by you, pushed down my pain, devastation, sadness and loss, to care for you, when I knew you needed it.
I do not regret doing what's right in the most difficult and when I feel wronged in the situation. I have to know that I am doing myself proud before thinking otherwise. My love is deep, my will is strong and my mind is open and fair. hence why my hurt is always deep when betrayed.
I know I haven't been myself lately, and acted outside of my character, out of anger, loss, hurt, sadness, pain, love and many overwhelming emotions that attack my soul at the same time, all the time for that I apologize as your dishonesty erodes my trust.
I now see the worst of you, and what you are capable of, I am very confused about the person I loved and thought I knew. My trust and reality shattered. Yet I kept listening, supporting and helping you find a way to heal yourself. Hoping to see a glimmer of a sign of hope, understanding, empathy and meaningful change.
Things are more clear now for me, I don't feel stupid or fooled by you. I chose to be with you and trust you when you didn't deserve it, your choice to cheat is yours not mine.
I feel that I learned a very sad and hard lesson, and I must always move forward and become a better person than I was yesterday."
Hopefully some might find this helpful. You are not alone!
2 comments posted: Thursday, May 22nd, 2025
