SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanks for checking in everyone.

I’m doing OK, I think?

We’re talking, more day by day. I delivered the speech too.

I’m taking this a step at a time. We’ll see if she follows through

I 100% understand what you're dealing with. I also just found out about my husband of 14 years. Please do not blame yourself or the lack of support that she has because she had you! All that anything takes is communication I feel like. If she was having a hard time or struggling All she had to do was come to you. And you cannot question your feelings because they are yours. There is no right way to feel or wrong way there is only what gets you through it. If you choose to stay and forgive then you're going to have to commit to that. However if you cannot then that is okay too. When I found out I'm the kind of person where I need to express my feelings right away. I feel like I need to talk about this almost constantly with my spouse until I feel enough validation have enough of my questions answered satisfactory and even then it's going to take therapy. So if you want to be angry and yell at her and tell her how you feel then you get to do that! And if she doesn't accept that from you then that's the red flag. Because you are the hurt one here and the fact that you guys were literally intimate right beforehand makes it so much more hurtful! And the way that this hurts is I feel un explainable if you haven't gone through it yourself. Anyway you have tons of replies to read I myself have just joined the site as well and if only been speaking with an AI counselor. But I wish you all the best and I feel like everybody deserves to be loved the way that they want to be loved and if you're not getting the love the way that you want it then as hard and as scary as it is maybe that's a sign to move on? And I am a hypocrite because I'm staying with my spouse for now at least and trying to work it out but I'm hoping that I too have the courage and self-love to if I don't feel satisfied with the way that he is loving me to pick up and walk away. Good luck

I’m sorry to hear that this has happened to you too. The group of people here who have been helping me cope, give me support and sharing their experience has been so immensely helpful.

I hope you find the strength, wisdom and peace you need in your situation too.

I’m taking this day by day, and we’ll see if she’s serious.

I’ve decided to give this a month. Watch her actions, and see what she does and how she treats our situation.

I’ve got about half of my things pre-packed and if I need to leave, I’ll be ready.

I haven't seen any new calls or messages to him on our phone bill.

I haven't gotten any new feelings of her hiding anything from me.

She's been talking to me each day, keeping me apprised of how work's going, when she's coming home, etc.

I know it's only been a few days since we got back from our trip (which was a good time by the way, we were able to enjoy the road trip and all of the spots we saw along the way without any major tension. we were able to talk a bit along the way too.) but we have been able to enjoy each others company and it doesn't feel completely awkward. She knows that she's got a lot of work to do. I hope she can keep this up.

Oh, Pete, I hope you're right. I'm praying for you.

Check her phone for alternate messaging apps. If she's on Android, check uninstalled apps through the play store. I don't know how to do this on Apple but somebody here does. Play store, select the profile (picture,) Manage Apps and Devices, manage tab, change the filter from "this device" to "uninstalled." if she's had whatsapp or one of the other on her phone, you know that she's gone underground a bit. Sometimes, you can get some history back by reinstalling the app in question. You can also sometimes get into setup, check battery status and get a glimpse of apps that have been active but that disappears every time the phone is fully charged.

Its common for people to use these alternate messaging apps to avoid hitting the text history on the phone bill and to delete them after a session to hide their tracks. It's also common to delete a contact and add them back to do the same thing if it's normal and expected to have those apps but you want to hide a conversation. it's also common for one or both affair partners to have burner phones. Hers would be at work in her locker or in her car, I'd imagine. Maybe some place in your building that she frequents outside your apartment, roof access maybe? If he has a burner, that number may be in your wife's phone under a different name so any new phone number that has several calls or texts to it might be a clue. You told her that you saw her history on the phone bill. If she's up to no good, she'll avoid creating a record that way in the future. Her car's radio probably has a record of Bluetooth devices that its been connected to. Some unknown phone would be a clue and putting a VAR in the car would be a strong move because she likely talks in the car on whatever device she has.

I hope I'm wrong and you're right. I just don't have that much faith in humanity.

Sounds like she is making positive steps. That’s great. I hope it continues. Keep healing and working on you. Always watch her actions, not her words. Good luck.