leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 9:09 PM on Friday, December 19th, 2025
It was in the past, theres nothing you can do to change it, she's not that person now
Funny thing about our brains. The brain can detect trauma, but doesn't differentiate between betrayal trauma and you being chased down to be eaten by a cheetah. Time is sort of fluid, too.
Your brain may still be trying to detect if your environment is safe, or if a cheetah is ready to pounce on you. You may have PTSD and need specialized treatment. It isn't something you can just "get over" because there's something that may be signaling that you aren't safe. Or, it could be the rush of cortisol through your body. Infidelity can do some terrible things to you physically.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
Trdd ( member #65989) posted at 4:32 PM on Saturday, December 20th, 2025
The verbal betrayal is an extra layer of potent pain to go through. A WS has no need to do it to have an A but some still do it anyway. It's hard to get your head wrapped around. I personally think it hurts even more if you have, as I do, affirming words as one of your love languages. That may be something your wife can do for you, work on her affirmations of you consistently. Is she doing that?
As others have said, tell the OBS. She deserves to know and the AP also deserves every single bit of accountability he can get. It will also be interesting to see if your wife hears from him or not. I highly doubt the OBS will cause any trouble for you, that is not something seen here much at SI. Do you have overlapping social circles?
