I'm reading the excellent post titled "Things that every WS needs to know" in the WS section and am going to have my WW read it as well when she gets home from work.
I just got to the triggers section. I do have many of them, but one in particular is a difficult situation. I'll start by saying my wife has intentionally been avoiding this trigger for the past several weeks (d day was about 6 weeks ago), and while I appreciate it, it's something we're going to have to deal with sooner or later. On d day my wife was supposed to be spending the night at her best friend's house whose husband is wheelchair bound. Her friend had had just gotten out of the hospital, and "needed some help" with general household stuff, cooking dinner, etc,hence my wife "staying the night there" to help her out. She lives just a couple of miles away.
My wife is driving restricted right now due to having a seizure last October, so I've been doing all of the driving. She has epilepsy, but it's mostly under control with meds. I dropped her off at her friend's place, she hung out for about an hour, then met up with her AP to spend the night with him. He lives fairly close to her friend's house so she actually just walked there. She wasn't answering my texts or phone calls, so long story short, I drove to her friend's house to see what was up, got the truth from her friend about where she was, drove there and confronted her. That was officially d day.
This is her best friend, and it's been pretty routine for a few years for my WW to hang out with her, at her place, for a couple of hours in the evenings, a couple of days a week, then come home in time for dinner. Obviously I'm having issues with her going there at all anymore, and she knows this. It was quite a kick in the balls to realize that I GAVE HER A RIDE TO HAVE A PA WITH HER AP!! She has however, stopped going there to visit, and she hasn't complained or tried to make me feel bad about it. On her own, she just stopped asking to go there, which is a great relief for me. This is her best friend, tho, and I'm dreading the day when she asks to go there again. Like I said, she's been avoiding even bringing it up for my sake, but it is her best friend. Am I wrong for feeling guilty that she's cut off her visits? Am I wrong for not wanting her to go there? What do I say if or when she brings it up and wants to see her friend again? I already know it's going to drive me up the wall. I don't know them very well, so me going with her would be awkward and weird. I'd basically be just inviting myself if I did.
The affair was short lived, and she wasn't meeting up with her AP from her friend's place this entire time. The messages and communication between my WW and AP only started at the beginning of March, and the PA had only been happening for 2 weeks in April before I discovered it. It was just happenstance that he lived within walking distance of her friend's place. Her friend knew what she was doing, tho, and she knew my WW was using her as a cover story. She did try to cover for my WW at first when I went there, but she did end up coming clean to me. Told me who it was and where he lived. I dunno man. I think it'd be better for me if she just ended the friendship altogether, but they've been friends for several years and really are besties. I appreciate that my WW has volunteered to stop going there, but I know she misses her bestie. It's a huge trigger for me tho. It's a weird situation.
